


Ruination

by Boomchick



Series: Sefikura Week 2021 [4]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Found Family, Human Experimentation, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sefikura Week 2021, Slow recovery, Wrongful Imprisonment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29052219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boomchick/pseuds/Boomchick
Summary: [Sefikura Week Day 4: Free Day]Sephiroth died in Wutai.Didn't he?On the beach, Angeal, Genesis, Zack, and Cloud try to make sense of the broken experiment they found deep in the Shinra labs.Sephiroth tries to live again.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Sefikura Week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2126409
Comments: 18
Kudos: 228
Collections: Sefikura (Sephiroth/Cloud) Week - Yearly Event





	Ruination

**Author's Note:**

> I swear there's a happy ending.

There was sand. He knew what sand was. He was fairly sure it was sand, under his feet, between his toes, around him.

The water washed up again. Brushed over pale feet. His pale feet. Cold.

“Has he always been—”

The newest voice. The young Soldier. Bright eyes, blond hair, lips turned down in a worried frown, he remembered. He could remember. His hands on the keyboard, the mako draining, his voice raised, calling in— .

“No.”

“Genesis.” Sephiroth murmured to himself, identifying the voice. He kept his eyes on the water. It washed up over his feet again.

Genesis touched his shoulder in reply. Older, taller, they all were, he was.

The world was bright. He was fairly sure that it was sand, under his feet. The water was cold.

“And you haven’t seen him since—”

“Not since Wutai. There was—”

“Angeal.” He named the voice. He knew the voice. The presence beside him shifted closer. Boots left heavy marks in the sand. Water washed over them. It would ruin the leather.

Sephiroth did not inform him of that. He couldn’t remember how to make the words.

“They sent him off solo. He never came back. We thought—”

Sephiroth stopped listening. Angeal was at his left. Genesis was on his right. There was sand under his feet, and water on them sometimes. The world was bright. It had been—

How long?

He counted backwards.

“Here.” 

A new voice. He blinked. Someone before him. The other young Solder. Dark hair, smiling eyes, Sephiroth remembered, his arm over this man’s shoulders, being supported while the blond kept watch and Genesis burned. Burned the world. Burned—

“Sephiroth?”

He hadn’t realized he’d drifted. Lifted his head. Saw the dark-haired Soldier was offering him water. Took it. Drank it. It could be poisoned. He didn’t care.

“He’s shaking.” Genesis murmured.

“He should be resting.” The blond Soldier said.

“He wants to look.” Angeal said, solid and steady at his side. “Let him.”

Sephiroth almost let the water bottle fall from limp fingers. The dark-haired Soldier took it from him with a smile. Waded out of the waves again, leaving Sephiroth’s view once more of—

The bright water. The darkening sky. The world outside. He had forgotten.

He counted backwards as the sun sank slowly and the voices around him whispered and worried. The ocean was constant. The ocean was unrepeating and yet predictable. It washed up over his feet. Over his ankles. Soaked into the cheap fabric of his pants.

He found his answer.

It had been ten years.

* * *

Speaking was hard. Not the act. He could do it. He could move his mouth. He had control of his voice. It was remembering to do it. Remembering he could. Remembering they wanted him to.

“Sephiroth?” Genesis asked from outside the bathroom door.

Sephiroth ran through what he’d said before. ‘Are you okay in there?’ and then ‘Don’t tell me you drowned.’ and then ‘Sephiroth?’ and now ‘Sephiroth’ again, but with a different sound in his voice.

You’re expected to respond, he told himself.

“Fucking—” Genesis hissed outside the door. He seemed to catch himself. Sephiroth heard him take a deep breath. Heard the thunk of his head against the door.

“Hey,” The other voice. The soft one. The blond Soldier. “Tag out. Take a break, Gen.”

“Who died and made you my boss?” Genesis growled in return.

“You, nearly.” The blond said blankly. “I’ll keep him safe. Take a walk.”

There was noise outside. Shuffling. Someone rising. Someone else sitting by the door. The blond Soldier, almost certainly. After shuffling into place, there was a gentle rap on the outside of the closed door. Like someone tapping it twice with their knuckles.

“Take your time.” Said the Soldier. “Just come out when you’re ready.”

Sephiroth let his eyes unfocus. Stared at the towel in front of him. He was sitting on the closed toilet. Just sitting. He had put on the clothes, because he had been instructed to, and his clothes were wet, but he couldn’t— Didn’t— 

“I am trying.”

His own voice surprised him. His voice had changed over the past years. While he said nothing. It was different. It was strange. All of him was different. He was not— Genesis and Angeal had known someone like him once but he wasn’t—

“I know.” The Soldier outside the door said. “We all know. You’re doing fine. Genesis is just anxious.”

But he didn’t ask anything else, and Sephiroth slowly felt some of the tension bleed away. The blond Soldier hadn’t known him Before. He wasn’t expecting anything. He did not ask questions. He was outside. When Sephiroth was ready.

On impulse he reached out. Took the towel between his fingers. It was white. It was soft.

He dragged it off the rack, and pressed it to his chest. Breathed slowly. Deeply.

The clothes Angeal had given him were too big.

* * *

He had forgotten cooking.

Everything that happened, every moment that passed, he felt duller. It was too much. He wanted more.

He had curled in the car when the dark-haired Soldier carried him there. He had been shivering from the mako, and their hands had not been hard or angry, but they had still been too much. He had not had words to tell them, so he had not. He had lain there, and they had touched his hair, and they had called his name, and he knew, he knew, he knew they were not scientists, they were not angry, he couldn’t—

“Try to eat something?” Angeal asked, worried eyes too intense, too bright, too much.

Sephiroth closed his eyes. Tried to breathe steady. It was all he could do some days. Breathe, and wait for it to be over. Breathe and hope that they slipped. Hope that they forgot. Hope that they just left him to rot. At least quiet. At least alone.

“Sephiroth, you look like you haven’t eaten in—”

“Hey,” The dark-haired Soldier’s voice, warm and soft. “Give him a minute, ‘Geal. It’s probably a lot.”

“He was always like this though.” Genesis objected. “You have to bully him into taking care of himself.”

I was always like this, Sephiroth thought hollowly to himself.

“It’s okay.”

The blond Soldier. The scrape of a chair. Someone’s hand on his arm. Just fingertips.

“Come lay down.”

He stood. Followed. He was numb, and broken, and too far away, and he could not talk, or eat, and the world was too bright. But he could follow when he was told to. He could lie down.

The bed was soft.

“He needs to eat.”

Angeal. Frustrated. Angry, maybe. Sephiroth did not let himself curl up. He blinked his eyes open. He stared at the ceiling. He could still hear the ocean.

“He will.” The blond Soldier said. “Give him time, Angeal.”

“You don’t even know him.”

Genesis. Hissing again. Angry.

“Neither do you.”

No one spoke after that. The blond’s voice had been sharp. But it hadn’t been turned on him. Instead, there was soft. A blanket. Over him. Covering him. Sephiroth saw just a little of the spiked blond hair against the ceiling. Then he closed his eyes and let darkness overwhelm him.

When he woke up, it would be time for a marrow sample, and Soldier Serum collection, and then he would go back in the tube. He would have three hours in the air while they did their work. If he fought them, maybe four. But it would be worse.

At least there was darkness till then. At least the voices petered out into nothing and left him in floating silence.

* * *

Chest squeezing, no breath, heart stutters, he burns, he—

Wakes. The world was quiet. Someone was there. Their eyes were glowing.

“It’s okay,” said the dark-haired Soldier, putting a heavy hand on Sephiroth’s chest, “it’s okay.”

It was not. 

The bed was soft. The Soldier’s hand was heavy. Sephiroth sank back down.

* * *

The room was still dark when he woke again, but he knew that it was daytime.

He knew that it mattered that it was daytime.

He was not used to that.

Usually, by now, usually they would have walked by. Banged on his tank to make him twitch, at least. Removed him for samples and testing at most.

No one was touching him now. His chest still felt heavy from where the Soldier touched him the night before.

The blond one was there again. He was not staring. He was sitting in a chair by the bed, with his feet propped up on the nightstand, staring at the slit of light coming through the curtains.

“Hey,” the Soldier said. “I convinced them to go find you clothes and let you sleep in.”

Sephiroth couldn’t remember how he was supposed to respond. He followed the blond Soldier’s stare. Looked at the light coming in through the curtains. It burned his eyes.

“I’m Cloud.” The Soldier said. “Sorry for not introducing myself sooner.”

Sephiroth was supposed to say something there. He did not. Cloud didn’t seem to mind. Didn’t even look away from the window. Just watched the sunlight beside him, quietly.

* * *

Angeal brought him food.

He said “breakfast in bed” like it was something Sephiroth should know.

Sephiroth did know. He had buried it all deep in service of breathing, but he knew. He felt it clog up his throat. Felt it build behind his eyes. Couldn’t seem to breathe right. His body choked and spasmed with the crushing weight of it.

_ Breakfast in bed? Jokes a young Soldier a decade ago, grinning at Sephiroth from the tent flap, holding a sad pan of eggs that somehow appear to have wilted. _

_ Just shoot me now, Sephiroth from then moaned, because he knew it would make Genesis laugh, and it did. It made Angeal laugh too, ruefully, and he said _

_ ‘As soon as we’re home— ’  _

_ He said ‘as soon as’ _

_ He said ‘home’ and— _

_ Sephiroth never went home, he—  _

“Hey.” Angeal’s voice. Close beside him. Holding one hand. One shaking hand. Sephiroth kept his eyes clenched shut, as his body sobbed against his will. “Hey. You’re safe now. Everything will seem better after breakfast. It always does.”

* * *

Genesis put Sephiroth’s new socks on for him while Sephiroth sat dully on the bedside.

Everything seemed the same after breakfast, despite Angeal’s reassurances. It was probably his own fault. He had no stomach. No strength. He did not remember the last time he ate. He tried not to. 

Sephiroth sat silent and still, and knew it was wrong for Genesis to be kneeling before him.

“You’re like ice.” Genesis said, disapproval in his voice as he cupped the bottom of Sephiroth’s foot in his hand.

His words were sharp, but his hands were gentle as he rolled the thick socks over Sephiroth’s bare feet. Sephiroth remembered. He’d never understood. Why Genesis’s hands could be soft while his voice was so angry.

He didn’t say anything. He was tired again already. He was tired.

* * *

Genesis led him to the main room, so he followed. The others were there. They were speaking together. Cloud had his arms crossed. There was a look like iron in him. He was smaller than the others, but he stood his ground.

“Come sit.” Genesis murmured, his hand warm on Sephiroth’s back.

Sephiroth walked straight and tall. He did not let himself stoop. He never had.

The sofa was very soft. He fought not to slump.

He kept his eyes on the wall.

“Well,” Genesis muttered after a moment. “Warmer at least, but still—” He did not say the next part out loud, but Sephiroth could see him in his peripheral vision. Waving a hand in front of his own face.

“Knock it off.” Cloud said. His voice was blunt and steady and calm. “He’s not stupid.”

“I know that.” Genesis snapped.

Sephiroth reached out. Impulse maybe. Instinct. He gripped Genesis’s wrist. Held on. He didn’t want him attacking Cloud. He didn’t want things to get more complicated. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt. This was his fault. He didn’t want—

“Sephiroth?”

Eyes on him again. Not glaring anymore. Good. He let his hand fall away. Left it limp at his side. Stared at the wall.

It was nice, he supposed, to have a new wall to stare at.

* * *

Angeal made lunch. Sephiroth couldn’t make his arms work. He couldn't make himself care. Even when Angeal got frustrated. Or worried. He just kept his eyes on the wall, and drifted. Now was the time when he drifted. When he thought not of where he was, because that hurt. Not of where he had been, because that hurt more. When he made himself nothing at all, and kept breathing.

“You have to eat.” Angeal said, and lifted a hand towards Sephiroth’s mouth.

Sephiroth clenched his jaw shut.

If he fought, sometimes, they gave him a little more time outside the tube.

Angeal did not fight him. He let his hand drop.

And after a moment he walked away.

* * *

“Hiya.” Said the dark-haired Soldier.

Sephiroth blinked.

“I’m Zack.” The Soldier lifted a hand. Gave a cheery wave. He was sitting in front of Sephiroth on the floor. Smiling up at him. “Spike— that is— Cloud reminded me I hadn’t introduced myself.”

Sephiroth only allowed himself a moment looking at that smiling face before looking up to the wall again. Soon they would—

“Want to go back out to the beach?” Zack offered, his voice plowing into Sephiroth’s thoughts. “You liked it yesterday. I had ‘Geal bring out a chair and an umbrella so you can stay in the shade.”

Sephiroth… wavered. The beach. The waves. The sand. The sun. Outside.

He hesitated. His fingers shifted. Brushed over the sofa. It was almost too much. The feel of fabric under his fingers.

He made a decision. Leaned forward. Gripped the edge of the warm socks.

Dizziness caught up. How long had it been since he moved? How long—

“Smart!” Zack said, giving him a solid pat on his shoulder. “No socks in the sand, right? I’ll handle it. You take a break till the room stops spinning, okay?”

Sephiroth blinked. Sat up. The room was spinning. Zack took off his socks.

The beach was warm.

* * *

He did not realize he had fallen asleep until he woke up. He did not startle. He did not jerk. He did not gasp for air. 

He just woke up.

The sun was setting. There was someone in shadow. Unfamiliar silhouette. Huge sword across his back. Not Angeal, though.

“Hey.” Cloud lifted his chin in greeting.

He did not speak again. He did not seem to expect Sephiroth to speak. He just stood, arms crossed, head lifted and alert.

Guarding, Sephiroth registered dully, blinking out at the sunset. Guarding me.

He tried to watch the sun set. His eyes fell closed slowly.

* * *

“He’s been responding best to quiet.” Cloud was saying somewhere.

“By ‘responding best’ you mean sitting there empty-eyed.” Genesis hissed, but it sounded… It sounded wounded.

“I mean what I said.” Cloud said. The metal was back in his voice. The iron Sephiroth had seen briefly that morning.

“He won’t get better if he doesn’t eat, and drink, and rest.” Angeal said, calm and sensible and disappointed in his performance. “We don’t even know if there are injuries we’ve missed. We need to be able to communicate with him.” 

“I spent two months in those labs and it nearly killed me.” Cloud’s voice was followed by silence. No. Not silence. The ocean roared. Close and steady. “Sephiroth was there for a decade. I know you want him to be okay. He’s not. Give him time.”

“He’s awake.” Zack said, voice kind and sad. “For the record.”

Silence for a while longer. Sephiroth looked out over the dark ocean. Things were glowing in the water. His bones ached.

“Come on.” Cloud said, close to him. “It’s getting cold.”

He offered a hand.

Sephiroth pretended he didn’t see it. Pushed himself to standing. 

His knees gave.

Cloud caught him. One arm around his middle. Then Zack’s hands were on his shoulders, and Genesis was at his side, and Angeal had a hand on his back.

Sephiroth closed his eyes.

“There’s no shame in it.” Cloud said. Still iron-voiced. “Let them help you.”

As if he had a choice.

Angeal carried him inside. Sephiroth let the darkness claim him rather than face it.

* * *

He woke with a jolt. Panting.

“Hey man,” said Zack, leaning against the window, looking out at the sky. “No worries. We all get nightmares these days. There’s water on the nightstand.”

There was water. Zack wasn’t looking.

He couldn’t see Sephiroth’s hands shake as he took it. Couldn’t see him drink.

He probably heard the desperate whimper that clawed its way out of his chest.

But he didn’t look.

“Full moon tonight.” Zack said instead, tilting his head to the side. “Makes the ocean wild. I guess. Maybe? Angeal might just have told me that to mess with me.”

“He does that sometimes.”

The voice didn’t sound like him. He hadn’t meant to speak, he hadn’t meant to— Zack glanced over and  _ smiled _ .

“Sure does.” He said with a chuckle, like it was normal that Sephiroth had spoken. “He was my mentor in Soldier, y’know? I’m still sorting out all the bullshit from the real advice, even all these years later.”

Sephiroth didn’t speak again. But Zack… Didn’t seem disappointed.

* * *

In the morning it was Cloud again. Sitting in the chair, with his feet on the floor this time, looking at the closed curtains. Sephiroth blinked his eyes open. Glanced around the room. Just them. The water at his bedside had been replaced. There was bread too. It smelled…

Fresh. Good.

“I was unresponsive for three weeks.” Cloud said, not looking at him. “If you were curious. Close thing that I woke up. If it hadn’t been for Zack spoonfeeding me for almost a month, I’d probably be dead. Shinra almost certainly wouldn’t have bothered.”

Sephiroth watched him. Waited. Cloud glanced over, then quickly away again.

“Don’t know how you managed.” Cloud muttered, crossing his arms tighter over his chest.

I didn’t, Sephiroth wanted to tell him. I didn’t. It would have been better if I died.

He didn’t say that. But he did watch the blond. His glowing eyes.

“Anyhow.” Cloud muttered. “When I say… When I said there’s no shame in it… It’s because I’ve been there. I know it hurts.”

Sephiroth hesitated for a long moment. Watched Cloud closely. The Soldier didn’t move. Stayed there, looking at the window, expecting nothing.

Sephiroth believed him. He took a piece of bread.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d tasted anything but blood.

* * *

He was barely aware of falling asleep again. Barely aware of waking. His bones ached. His lungs ached. HIs legs ached. Walking more in the past days than in the decade before. But eating more too. Sleeping more.

There was always someone close.

There was always water at the bedside.

* * *

The third day, Sephiroth stood out of bed, and did not lose his balance. His knees did not give way. Cloud looked up at him from where he sat and nodded his approval.

He opened the door for Sephiroth into the main room. The dim sound of chatter clarified into the sound of Zack speaking in an endless stream to Angeal. Sephiroth did not bother to parse the words. They slowed to a stop when he was noticed as it was.

“What?” Cloud asked, arms crossed, standing in front of Sephiroth, his back ramrod straight and his entire posture screaming challenge.

Sephiroth had not realized how short he was before.

“I’ll add another helping for breakfast.” Angeal said slowly. “Good to see you, Sephiroth.”

Genesis was glowering at the table. He lifted a hand in a wave, face averted from Cloud’s glare.

Sephiroth walked stiffly into the next room. Sat on the sofa. Fixed his gaze on the wall.

“You can sit anywhere, you know.” Genesis muttered.

Sephiroth stayed where he was. Let his eyes unfocus. Let his mind—

Cloud dropped down to sit on the floor near him. Not directly in front as Zack had, but close. He leaned back on his arms. Stared up at the ceiling. Glanced over towards Genesis. 

“Why don’t you fill Sephiroth in on what he missed?” Cloud said.

“Oh, I thought I wasn’t supposed to talk to him.” Genesis snapped back, acid in his words.

“Not if you’re going to be an asshole.” Cloud muttered in reply, keeping his eyes fixed upwards and his pose relaxed.

Sephiroth took a slow breath. Looked at the wall. He felt his body in a way he wasn’t used to. Became aware of the fact that he was rocking, slowly. Back and forth. Just a little. The others wouldn’t notice, he decided. He could move a little. They wouldn’t notice.

“He’s not even listening.”

“Sure he is.” Zack said. That light, easy voice at odds with Genesis’s sharpness. “And, I mean, it’s gotta be weird, right? Just being somewhere else suddenly? I remember how it was for you, Spike.”

Cloud hummed. Shifted. Uncomfortable, maybe. Or annoyed.

“It was really confusing.” Cloud said at last.

Sephiroth didn’t realize he was looking at him until he was. At the way he held his mouth. The way he’d averted his eyes. Awkward. Embarrassed despite his own assurances that there was no shame in weakness. He glanced up, and their eyes— 

Sephiroth had not held eye contact with someone in a long time. He did not remember it feeling like this. Like there was something inside, echoing him back. Like he might pull Cloud down into the void with him. He looked away quickly. A twitch of his head. He dully registered that his back and forth motions had increased somewhat. He didn’t fight it.

Cloud took a slow breath. Let it out even slower.

“You want to be the group storyteller or not, Genesis?” He muttered at last, flopping back onto the carpet, arms crossed and eyes closed.

“I don’t want to say the wrong thing.” Genesis admitted after a moment. He sounded… 

Sephiroth hadn’t heard him sound like that before. He risked it. Looked. Genesis’s eyes were waiting for him. He’d been watching. Sephiroth looked away again quickly.

“He’s tough.” Cloud muttered, eyes closed. “After what he went through, you catching him up won’t break him.”

“I can guess questions and you can answer!” Zack volunteered eagerly.

“Puppy.” Angeal admonished.

“What?” Asked Zack. “I’d have questions. Like, ‘where are we?’ and ‘is there danger,’ and stuff.”

“Those… Are actually valid questions.” Genesis muttered, like it pained him to admit it.

“Why did it take you ten years.” Angeal added, his voice dull with sadness.

Sephiroth kept his eye fixed on the wall. He couldn’t quite seem to catch his breath. He didn’t know what his face was doing, but he could feel their eyes on him. He couldn’t— His lungs just wouldn’t— His hands were shaking. He gripped the clothes he wore. Angeal’s. Too big. His body felt wrong. Too big, too small, not his, he belonged to—

“Hey.” Cloud’s voice. 

Sephiroth sucked in a breath through his nose. He was shaking. Weak, he told himself with hateful distaste. Weak. When he blinked his eyes open— when had he closed them?-- Genesis was before him. Kneeling. Sitting back on his heels. Looking up at him with a stark, sad expression.

“They told us you were dead.” Genesis said before Sephiroth could look away. “You’d been gone for months. We looked everywhere. They told us— We believed them.”

Yes, Sephiroth thought. Of course. They’d shown him the funeral. Hojo had thought it was funny.

There had been so many people there.

He had only recognized the board of directors, Genesis, and Angeal.

“I am so sorry.” Genesis whispered. He lifted a hand. Sephiroth took a slow breath. Almost leaned away, almost curled up, almost…

Genesis froze inches away. Held there. Sephiroth stared down at him. Not his eyes. The soft, vulnerable expression of his lips, which had always been smiling or scowling before. Before.

Genesis let out a breath. Twisted his head. Started to pull—

Sephiroth turned his head towards his fingers. Let them brush over his cheek. Genesis’s thumb twitched. Brushed his eyelashes.

He didn’t hurt him.

“We didn’t know.” Genesis whispered after a moment, sliding his hand closer to cup Sephiroth’s cheek. “We didn’t know.”

Sephiroth believed him.

* * *

Zack asked questions for Sephiroth. Genesis answered.

They were outside Costa Del Sol. A small house on the beach. Angeal had scrimped and saved. Had bought it outright with every penny Shinra had paid him.

If there was danger, it was not Shinra. They had burned Shinra behind him. Had crippled what little they had left. The board of directors were dead or scattered to the wind. The four of them had been unbeatable. Unstoppable. They had turned that power on the hand that fed them.

“Um,” said Zack, leaning over the back of the sofa Sephiroth was sitting on. Genesis was still sitting in front of him, though Sephiroth had straightened out of his touch some time ago. Cloud was still lying on the floor, legs stretched out and crossed, hands behind his head, eyes closed. Angeal stood against the wall, observing.

“How about… ‘why now?’” Zack offered as a question. “I mean, since we didn’t know.”

Sephiroth felt a strange mood come over the room. Something deep and sad and strange. Genesis spoke at last.

“Cloud wanted to do one last check for survivors. Before we burned the labs.”

Ah, thought Sephiroth. Thus the silence. If not for Cloud—

He saw how it crumpled their faces. How Genesis closed his eyes and looked away. How the pain descended over Angeal’s expression.

“It’s okay.” He said, before fully he registered the urge to comfort them. And then, because their eyes were on him, and he wanted them to understand, “it would still have been a mercy.”

* * *

He sat on the beach that night. He had walked out without help. He would walk back without it. Cloud still stood nearby, sword on his back. Ready.

They didn’t speak. They watched the sun set, and the stars brighten, and when Sephiroth walked back inside Cloud followed him without a word.

* * *

“How about, uh, ‘where’d the two new kids come from?’” Zack guessed during the next ‘question session.’ He looked to Sephiroth when he guessed it instead of Genesis.

Sephiroth felt his eyebrows move. He blinked, partially in confusion. Offered Zack a shrug. Watched carefully from his periphery how the others responded to that. Saw some tension drain out of all of them. Angeal most of all as his shoulders dropped and his head dropped forward in relief.

It meant that much to them? He wondered.

“Angeal and I… Were unwell for a little while.” Genesis said, settled in on the carpet once again so Sephiroth could sit in his place. “The company realized if we went down there’d be no one else.”

“So they rushed us through.” Cloud muttered.

“Me cuz I was Angeal’s apprentice, Cloud cuz he was mine.” Zack said, not sounding as playful as usual. “But…”

“Didn’t turn out super great for me.” Cloud muttered. “Still, I ended up a First when I finally woke up.”

Zack swallowed. He was close enough that Sephiroth could hear it. But his smile was still steady and sure.

“Never doubted you.” Zack said, like it was obvious.

Cloud snorted, but he smiled too.

The oven pinged. Genesis was on his feet, sword half-drawn, before Sephiroth fully registered the sound. Then he huffed and dropped back down to the carpet, legs crossed and scowling.

“That’ll be the muffins.” Angeal said. “I’ll be right back.”

Sephiroth blinked. Something he had desperately tried to smother rose inside him. Something he’d tried to drown in the mako. A memory. Angeal’s face. Smiling. A promise…

“Blueberry?” Sephiroth asked, voice quiet and numb. 

Angeal froze. Turned to look at him. Smiled softly.

“Of course.” He said. “I promised.”

_ “You’ve never had them? When we get home, I’ll make those too.” _

* * *

They brought him new clothes. They made him tea. They cooked him meals. They answered questions he couldn’t ask. They stood guard while he watched the ocean at sunset.

He had nothing to offer them in return. The days rolled one into the other. No one put him in a tube. The holes in his flesh healed. The ache in his bones faded.

He had nothing to offer them. But late at night, two weeks after he returned, feeling warm after Angeal’s home cooked stew, and Genesis’s stories, which he’d offered more and more freely, and Zack’s playful interruptions, and Cloud’s silent presence at his side, watching the sunset… He resolved to try.

* * *

It took him time. Days.

“And make sure to pick up more milk. Someone keeps drinking it all.” Angeal was saying with a sigh, brows furrowed as he worked on what must have been a budget.

“I’m a growing boy.” Zack objected with a laugh.

Sephiroth felt that little flutter inside himself. Amusement, he thought. It was so long ago…

“Very well.” Genesis sighed, adding the note to the grocery list he had deigned to undertake.

“And don’t get distracted this time.” Angeal warned.

Genesis huffed. Rolled his eyes. Swept his hand up over his chest.

“Even if the morrow is barren of promises,” he quoted, voice resonant and smooth as he dipped into a bow, “nothing shall forestall my return.”

And Sephiroth—

“Loveless.” Sephiroth said. “Act three.”

Genesis snapped his head up to stare at him. His lips parted, his eyes wide. Sephiroth hesitated. Glanced away.

“You remembered.” Genesis said, voice low and awed.

Sephiroth swallowed, but didn’t speak again. He wasn’t ready to tell him. About those first few years underground, before he’d started trying to drown himself. When mouthing Loveless quotes that Genesis had taught him had given him reason to fight.

He didn’t have to, it seemed. Genesis cleared his throat. Shifted. Edged closer to him.

“Thank you,” Genesis murmured. “It’s always good to hear your voice. Perhaps… We could read Loveless together soon?”

Sephiroth nodded, and was surprised to find that he did want that.

Genesis did not need further convincing. He rushed through grocery shopping so fast that he forgot the milk. Sephiroth noticed. He also noticed that no one brought it up, as Genesis settled at his side on the sofa, and opened Loveless to read aloud.

* * *

It took him time. Weeks.

Angeal cooked every day. Flavor had been slow to return. He didn’t know why. His tongue was functional. Perhaps it was his brain. His processing. He had not tasted in a long, long time.

He registered, on some level, Zack’s enthusiastic praise of everything that ever appeared on the dinner table. Noticed Cloud's awkward thanks and apologies that he didn’t match Angeal’s skill in the kitchen. Noticed Genesis’s lofty compliments.

Realized they had started to relax around him. Had started to behave like themselves, instead of the strange, obsessed ghosts of his friends who had stared at him.

He took a breath that evening after dinner. He didn’t know its name. He didn’t know the words Genesis used to describe it. But when he stood to take his plate to the kitchen, he paused. Swallowed. Considered.

“I enjoyed that dish.” He offered softly. “Thank you, Angeal.”

Angeal stared. His mouth dropped open. His lips twitched at one side, as if they would lift in a delirious grin. He took a shallow breath instead, and lifted a hand to cover his face.

“Aw, ‘Geal.” Zack said softly. “Don’t cry, you’ll confuse the guy.”

“Sorry, Sephiroth.” Angeal said in answer, his voice and shoulders both shaking. “Thank you. I’ll make it again.”

Sephiroth hesitated. Glanced to Cloud. The stoic blond glanced up at him, then gave him a soft, approving smile.

Sephiroth trusted Cloud’s approval.

* * *

It took him time. Months.

“This one’s a conch!” Zack said eagerly, sprinting up to him across the beach, holding out a shell to him. “I checked, there's nothing in it this time.”

Sephiroth felt his lips twitch at the corner again. Cloud snorted nearby, arms crossed. He’d been the one to snatch up the last shellfish and fling it back to the ocean when it had startled Sephiroth breathless with its eye-less grasping body.

“Your diligence is appreciated.” Sephiroth said, dryly, and Zack laughed with delight. He always did when Sephiroth spoke to him. It felt good. It felt like a gift Sephiroth could give him. In exchange for the seashells.

The conch shell was beautiful. The interior lip of the shell was smooth and shining, and the outside was rough and strange. Cool. It smelled of the sea. 

“If we find one big enough, we can make a horn.” Zack informed him eagerly.

Behind his back, Cloud widened his eyes at Sephiroth and shook his head.

Sephiroth’s face felt strange. He turned the shell over and over in his fingers.

“I think this one is a good size.” He said quietly. “May I keep it?”

Zack startled. Blushed. Split into a grin.

“You like it?” He asked. “I mean, yeah, man, if you like it it’s yours!”

“Thank you.” Sephiroth said, setting the conch shell in his lap.

“I’m gunna go find you more cool ones!” Zack said in answer, turning and sprinting away.

“You’re gunna spoil him.” Cloud warned Sephiroth under his breath.

“Good.” Sephiroth murmured.

* * *

In the mornings, Sephiroth and Cloud were almost always alone. The others had taken to sleeping in. Cloud never did. Neither did Sephiroth. As his body recovered, it fell back into the only waking routine it had ever known. He never missed a sunset. He rarely missed the sunrise.

Cloud was always there for both.

“You never ask for anything.” Cloud said one day, weight shifted onto one leg, arms crossed as he watched the sunrise at his side.

“What would I ask for?” Sephiroth chuckled, shaking his head.

Smiling still hurt if he did it too long. He liked that kind of pain.

“I dunno.” Cloud rolled his shoulders in a shrug. “What do you want?”

Sephiroth hummed. Shook his head.

“I don’t lack anything.” He said. “You have all… It is an understatement to say you have saved my life.”

“Okay, not dying is a cool start.” Cloud admitted, tilting his head towards him. “But what do you  _ want _ ?”

Sephiroth had to consider it. That evening he had an answer.

* * *

“You’re sure?” Angeal was hovering. Sephiroth shouldn’t have been surprised.

“I would like to know where I stand.” Sephiroth replied. He even managed to meet Angeal’s eyes for a moment.

“Oh, let him have his fun.” Genesis insisted. “Will Rapier suit you well enough?”

“Very well. It is an exquisite sword.” Sephiroth, carefully measuring the praise, feeling pleasure curl inside him as Genesis puffed up in pride.

“Cloudy’s tougher than he looks.” Zack said enthusiastically. “Don’t hold back on him just because he’s cute.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Sephiroth agreed.

He wouldn’t have. He didn’t bother wondering if he should.

Cloud was stretching out, swinging the massive sword from his back like it was a toy. Rapier felt light in Sephiroth’s hand, but he had no illusions about his fitness for this fight. He rolled his shoulders back. Took a couple gentle practice swings. He’d already stretched. Already warmed up.

Sephiroth swept rapier up in front of his face. Cloud watched him out of knowing blue eyes. He lifted his own blade in a matching salute.

“Don’t hold back on me.” Sephiroth instructed him.

Cloud snorted.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He said. “Of course I’m going to hold back on you. This is for fun.”

Sephiroth blinked. He had never… He smiled softly. Nodded.

“Ready,” Angeal called.

“Kick his ass, Seph!” Zack cried.

“Hey.” Cloud muttered.

“Begin!”

Rapier was not made for a left handed grip, but Sephiroth could adapt. Cloud’s reach was shorter, but his sword was enormous, more than making up for the lack of height. It was clear from the first clash of their swords that Sephiroth was desperately outmatched. Still half-starved, recovering only slowly, and…

But Cloud didn’t press into his weak points. Didn’t poke at bruises, and pry at wounds. Didn’t drill into his aching bones to sample out the heart of him.

He met him blow for blow. He danced away from his strikes. He parried, and twirled, and led Sephiroth through the dance of a battle. A shadow of what could have been the brutal truth of their combat.

“You’re enjoying this,” Sephiroth noted breathlessly as he and Cloud faced off at the base of the beach, with the waves rolling over their bare feet.

“Yes.” Cloud laughed. “I’m living my dream.”

Ah, Sephiroth thought, and felt his spirit lift. Felt the salt air in his lungs. Felt the sword steady in his hand. Felt the invisible connection between Cloud and himself stretch tight.

He chased him through the waves. He could not beat Cloud. He did not try to.

He played.

When Sephrioth surrendered, he was laughing through his burning lungs and muscles. When Cloud accepted the surrender it was by dropping his sword and closing the distance between them.

At the last moment Sephiroth saw Cloud lose his confidence. He closed the last few inches himself.

He had never kissed before. He didn’t know if it was supposed to be so salty. Sweat and seawater. He didn’t know if it was supposed to be so full of pauses to pant and breathe. He didn’t know if it was supposed to feel so good. If Cloud’s hand was supposed to tangle itself in his long silver hair. If he was supposed to snake his arm around Cloud’s waist, carefully holding Rapier away from them and out of the water.

He didn’t know if Zack was supposed to whoop in sheer delight.

* * *

One day, Sephiroth was just ready. One day he and Cloud woke together. Sephiroth made them both coffee. Cloud scrubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and leaned against Sephiroth’s back. The other three were snoring in their rooms, in Angeal’s beach home, which he had scrimped and saved for and then gladly shared.

One day, Sephiroth watched the sun rise with the Soldier who had saved his life, and remembered a time when he couldn’t ask his own questions, and realized all the questions they had never asked. 

One day Sephiroth sat in his favorite spot on the Sofa, and leaned back into the cushions, and looked up at the wall where the photo of the five of them now hung, on the wall where once he had stared into nothing for hours on end.

He waited until the others were all awake and fed. Waited until Genesis was well caffeinated. Then he spoke.

“I got hit in Wutai. The gunner took me down. Damaged one of my lungs beyond repair. Brain damage from the blood loss. They decided it would be cheaper to replace me than repair me.”

Silence answered his words. Cloud stepped up behind the sofa. Slid his arms around Sephiroth’s shoulders. Nuzzled their heads together.

“They tried to clone me, I think.” Sephiroth said. “But it wouldn’t work. By the time they realized that, it was too late. They’d told the public I was dead, and I was in ruins. They could only keep trying.”

They came to him. Zack squeezed his shoulder. Angeal dropped to sit before him. Placed a hand on his knee. Genesis took one of his hands.

Cloud squeezed him from behind.

“No one will ever hurt you like that again.” Cloud swore, his words intimate against Sephiroth’s ear. “We’ll make sure of it.”

And Sephiroth believed him.


End file.
